behold the glory

i love cheese. i love every cheese from the soft and subtle provolone to the hard and pungent pecorino romano. my favorites are the staaaankiest of blue cheeses and cheddar of the ultimate sharpness. and i'll overdose on dairy digestive supplements before i give up my lactose love. in honor of this triumph of humanity, i have written a poem. enjoy, bitches.

i love cheese, oh yes its true
and i bet that you do too
cheddar, mozz, and even bleu
for a bite, i'd use kung fu

ever since milk first went sour
man knew that he should not cower
it may smell like a retarded flower
but cheese, it truly has the power

some cheese is soft, and some is hard
some is bagged, and some is jarred
often melted, sometimes charred
still smells better than a st. bernard

so go ahead and eat some cheese
everyone loves it, even the chinese
but if you eat mine, or even tease
I WILL FUCKING PUNCH YOU


cabot cheese

touché, salesman.

so this is probably the coolest thing i own. its a scarface box set, as you can see. the box opens to the collage and the anniversary edition of scarface inside red felt. then i opens up to the original 30's scarface and a tony montana insignia money clip in black felt, with 8 movie cards in between. and all for only 25 bones. awesome taco!

so this blog is lame. you know it, i know it, and the people that dont even look at it know it. but at least it's not myspace. i pretty much fuckin hate that damn site, as it is the gayest piece of pop culture since andy dick. the only thing i hate more than myspace is the increasing number of douchebox faggo goth/punk wannabees that use it to vent their "deep feelings of dispair" and talk about their shitty punk-flavored pop music. i think that this pretty much sums up those posers. so fuck you, young america; put down the makeup and listen to some goddamn zeppelin.

MERRY CHRISTMAS, EVERYBODY! i hope everyone had happy holidays. this post it pretty much just to show off the best damn present ever: my 18" talking peter griffin. my sister got it for me, and its probably the coolest thing ive ever seen. he says some fantastically random things such as "milk, milk, lemonade, around the corner, fudge is made". giggidy.

so chirstmas is coming soon, which is good, because we can get all this fake happiness out of the way and get back to our depressing lives. my job is effected horribly by this damn holiday, as every stupid fuck across the country wants to know how they spent all their money. luckily i got all my shopping done early this year; i would hate to have to wrestle a 250 lb. black lady for a pair of thermal socks. or would i?..... ya know when you grab a girls tittie, and it feels like a bag of sand... anyway, now that santa's dead, i'm gonna get down on some mrs. claus action. i likes 'em old. i'm gonna fuck her, then have her mail me a check for 12 dollars.

i'm in a glass case of emotion! so the dukes and i are moving into a phatty new apartment, which is right next door to our old place (the same building). it's been a pretty easy move, besides the larger shit. we can move most of it without even going outside. it's pretty exciting stuff. i even get two rooms: one for sleepin', and one for sexy parties. thats right, cue the music. except i'm lame, so my parties will probably consist of video games and beer, with alot of sitting around, except to get more beer. but at least it will be good beer. by the by, anyone who doesn't love anchorman should be punched. i mean, some on. it's friggin great. i've got jack johnson and tim o'leery ready to go, and it looks like you just bought 2 tickets to the gun show. so get ready go get down, the first pants party is coming soon.

some would call it "stating the obvious". others might say "well no shit". others may utter "redundant". i, on the other hand, call it art. thats right. copyright: 2005, me, motherfuckers. the bidding starts now. lets start it off at 10 large. credit cards and personal checks not accepted. and on an unrelated note, my balls itch. giggidy.

so, uh, feel free to click the ad banner above; i could really use the 1/8 of a cent. hehehehehe, eighth. go ahead, you know you wanna. lets play a game: see how many times you can click on it in a minute, then try to beat that record. i bet you can't do it, pussy. i double-dog dare you. thats right, i said it. what now? do something. do it or i'll pistol whip you. mmmmm, pistol whip.

people are rea-hea-heeeeaaaaally stupid. if you think you are aware of this, you are wrong. i have to deal with dumbfucks all day long at work. example:
customer:"i just want the balance in my checkings account"
-thats right, half the people actually say "checkings" account
me:"your account is overdrawn by one hunderd twenty dollars and fifty four cents"
customer:"what! why?"
-at this point, i really wanna say, "because you're a stupid bitch that shouldn't have the privelage of using a bank account. i'm closing your account and having a team sent to your house to have you taken out with a chainsaw, so this world will be just a little bit better. now get off my phone and go fuck yourself, dumbass." but instead, i have to explain to the moron exactly how they fucked themselves into a hole, usually more than once, by going over every single transaction from the last day, week, or even month, because they seem to think i'm trying to shit in their mouth and call it a sundae. but, fuck it, i'm gettin paid almost $11/hr to deal with their shit. thanks for calling, and have a wonderful day!

ya know what really grinds my gears? those who have yet to watch "stewie griffin: the untold story". i mean, come on. come on. kaaaaaaaaaaahhh maaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhn. you know who you are, and you should be ashamed. this movie is rediculously hilarious from start to end, and displays elements that seth wanted to include in family guy from day one, but couldn't because of those douchebag censors. for more information on flatulance, please visit my ass.

yeah, i'm lame. so what, big whoop, wanna fight about it? so i got bored and made this blog for shits and/or giggles. expect mostly funny pictures and tv/movie quotes, sprinkled with rants, because i'm a rageoholic (addicted to rageohol). so go fire off some knuckle children, already. gosh.